Not the sharpest tool.

Sweet, dopey, eager, endlessly patient with the kids and perpetually hungry.

But smart.....um....not so much.

He had a "not very smart" moment the other night.

Micah was making a fire for me (like he does every night so I can drink a glass of wine and wrap presents). 

He was messing around in the fireplace and left to get a load of wood from the basement. I was sitting on the couch reading and paying absolutely no attention to the dog when I realized he was eating something.

He's always eating something.

Just then Micah walked back in the room with the wood and we realized simultaneously that the dog was finishing off the Duralite fire starter log.

He just ate it straight out of the fireplace.

Seriously?

"We have to take him to the vet RIGHT NOW!" I yell.

"No! Let him die!" Micah yells. (Okay, he didn't say to let him die, but what he did say wasn't very nice).

So I decided the first step was to call poison control, all the while very thankful that I had never had a reason to call poison control before, and at least it wasn't for one of the kids.

I called people poison control, not realizing there is a separate poison control for animals.

But the nice lady helped me anyway and didn't make me call the other number. She said calling the animal poison control costs $65. Who knew?

After going through the ingredient list with me (mostly wax and wood by-products) it was determined that he would not die, but could get very sick.

We put him in the basement with a bowl of water and woke up the next morning expecting to see Armageddon.

And there was nothing.

None of the prophesied diarrhea. No vomit. Just a hungry dog.

What he lacks in brains he compensates for with a gut of steal.

And the next time we used a starter log Micah realized it does smell exactly like a dog treat.