Looking Ahead.

So 2011, you are here.

Skylar's still holding on to the holiday season and yelling "Merry Christmas!" to people. And still begging to make Christmas cookies and eat candy canes. It's hard to come down off those candy canes......
I have mixed emotions going into the New Year. I was feeling really sentimental putting Skylar to bed on New Year's eve. Another year of her life gone. A year we can't get back. It's all going by so fast. Her daddy is missing so much. And we only have 3 more months until her little brother will rock her world.

It's not that I'm not excited about having another baby, but it's really hard to imagine another person in our lives. I love being able to spend all my time with Skylar. She wears me out, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We're "battle buddies". So it makes me sad that I won't have as much time and attention to give her with a newborn.

Then there's that wee (okay big) part of me that's a little (or a lot) terrified of having a newborn again. I love that babies are tiny and snugly and don't argue with you. But I think back to those first two months with Skylar and I am overcome with fear. Surely the Lord knows what I can handle. I am praying for a nice fat baby that sleeps well and eats well. Not another scrawny little thing that is colicky, doesn't gain much weight, can't nurse, and doesn't sleep through the night for years. (She woke me up screaming "Mommy" from her room 4 times last night....I'm a little bitter).

There will be no husband in the delivery room. He won't be here to offer a moment's relief or a shower break. There will be no down time. No one to take a shift. I get overwhelmed just thinking about how exhausting it's going to be. I don't want to let the anxiety take away from the miracle of another child, but it's definitely there.

This is also the year that my father begins (and hopefully ends) his battle with prostate cancer. He was diagnosed a couple of weeks before Christmas. As of right now he is going to have surgery to remove his prostate, but first they are going to run a battery of test to ensure it hasn't spread. If it has spread then the surgery won't happen and he'll undergo chemo and radiation instead. Obviously, the first scenario is the best one, but either way his recovery isn't going to be easy.

This is also the year Micah comes home, but figuratively speaking we are only on mile 6 of the marathon. I am already tired and there is so far still to go. I can't even think about the finish line yet.

And yet Micah and I regularly talk about the fact that we are exactly where God wants us and none of it is an accident. This is the life we've been called to (at least for now). He will equip us with what we need when we need it. And I am learning to rely on that which I can't yet see or understand.

Along those lines, I want to share an excerpt from a book I read last fall called What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lisa TerKeurst and pretty much sums it all up:

"A life that requires very little faith is not a life that God will use. When we are willing to embark on a life that requires faith, we are more aware of God and His ability to provide for us in every detail of our lives. We won't wait until everything in our lives is in order......We will never have everything in order.......Faith is learned through life. Through the messy and unpredictable everyday events that often stumble us, we become aware of our desperate need for God".

So with lots of prayer, a sense of humor and the biggest Toblerone I've ever seen......

......I am taking on this new year.