My 3 Step Plan

During my 5 years working in early childhood (not including all those summers at spring canyon...does that really count???) I came into contact with many an upset parent or disgruntled staffer. This has taught me what kind of parent I DON'T want to be....and also what kind of people could possibly be watching my child....scary.

Needless to say, when I first took Skylar to the church nursery at 10 weeks old I was a little worried based on what I'd seen over the years. Don't get me wrong, there are many professional daycare workers, but something about a volunteer setting worries me because of the lack of training and professionalism. Then again, at least volunteers are there because they want to be and aren't just collecting a paycheck.

So I devised a 3 step plan for ensuring that Skylar is well taken care of in the nursery based upon my extensive research and experience (and by research I mean my personal opinion). I will share these little gems with you....not that they are rocket science by any means...and you too can ensure that you're child receives optimum levels of attention in a group setting:)

1. SHE MUST LOOK EXTRA CUTE. Obviously I know that she is the most adorable child to ever live--and clearly gifted--but I can't assume a stranger will recognize or appreciate this. It may sound superficial, judge me if you want, but nobody likes a crusty, dirty child in stained clothes that smells like a port-a-potty and/or sour milk.
Think about it, if you are in a room filled with other people's children which one appeals to you more? The cute one in the adorable outfit with the little bow in her hair that smells like lavender, or the one with green slime coming out of her pasty little nose and dripping onto her big brother's enormous shirt that she is wearing because their mother just grabbed the first thing she saw? No-brainer.
I know a true professional would show no preference, but we all have our biases, and really why risk it?

I find it also helps if she has memorable accessories. Like her fluffy pink bunny coat, her sparkly silver Mary Janes, a designer bib or a custom burp clothe. For some reason they seem to set her apart from the competition and ensure her a permanent spot in someone's lap, which of course is what she likes best.

2. THE DIAPER BAG MUST BE WELL STOCKED. You just don't want to be THAT parent. If you forget a snack, then your kid is the one crying while it watches the others eat. If you forget a change of clothes when they have that big blow-out then you are definitely not scoring any points with the caregivers. Either they are scrambling around looking for hand-me-downs in the closet thereby leaving the other kids unattended, or worse, they make you come get them and do the walk of shame back to the car with your poopy child in their poopy clothes.....make that a poopy car seat too.
Heaven forbid you forget a diaper or bottle. They know it isn't your child's fault, but they will still subconsciously project their opinion of you onto your child. It's just so preventable. I don't care if it makes me 5 minutes late, I have to double-check the diaper bag.

*Bonus points for carefully labeling everything in it.
**Extra bonus points for customized designer labels (refer to "memorable accessories" above).

3. FEED THE NURSERY WORKERS. I cannot stress this enough. You can do the above things faithfully, but if you really want your child to be the Golden Child, you must go above and beyond. You will quickly win the hearts of everyone with your tasty homemade delicacies.

I'm not just talking christmas cookies and valentines here....just random goodness for no apparent reason except to show gratitude. This will ensure that when they project their opinion of you onto your child it will be only good. Whatever you do, don't give them any peanut products. Though well intentioned, this will show your ignorance about food allergies. This morning I gave them chocolate chip muffins with crumble topping. Granted, they were leftovers, but whatever....it's the thought that counts.

*Bonus points for giving them thank-you gifts when your child moves or graduates to the next age group.

So there you have it. I plan on publishing this in pamphlet form and passing it out in Starbucks. Except if everyone started applying these principles Skylar would no longer stand out in the crowd. And we can't have that.

***By the way, if you think these principles don't apply to you because you don't have kids, you are wrong. The same criteria apply to dropping your dog off at the kennel, doggy daycare, Camp Bow Wow, or what have you. Jack's pink polo shirt and sparkling personality ensure that he will always be the most popular pooch wherever he goes. Not that he's ever been to a kennel. He's not that kind of dog.