Cozy trumps Cool.

What I'm about to show you will not improve your love life.

Or your social status.

Or even your self-esteem for that matter.

But you'll be so comfy and cozy that those things won't even matter in the least.

Get thee to Wal-Mart immediately my friends.

Go to the big metal bin. You'll know which one it is because it will have a large $5 sign and a frenzy of housewives ransacking it.

Dive into the frenzy and grab a roll of elastic waisted, fleecy goodness. The fact that they are rolled will give you no indication of what they look like. So I'll tell you: they are gloriously long and roomy and soft on the inside. And they have straight legs, none of that elastic bottom business. That makes them marginally more stylish. If that's possible. (I'm pretty sure "stylish sweatpants" is any oxymoron).

Try not to go into the Wal-Mart bathroom and immediately put them on. Wait until you get home. You can put them on in the garage if you must.

Your husband will not understand. It's okay. He doesn't need to.

I am considering getting seven pair--one for each day of the week--and getting the days of the week embroidered on the rear like a sorority girl gone bad.

Okay, just kidding.

Kind of.

But I do need to get another pair before this one rots off my body.