Beyond the pictures and projects.

It occured to me the other day that if you regularly read my blog you might think my daily life consists of fresh cut flowers, hosting family get-togethers, decorating, crafts, baking, and taking pictures of my photogenic daughter. It probably looks really easy and happy and fun.

Of course those things are all part of it. But only because that's the part I blog about. So is that my real life?

Well, yeah....right now my life is pretty easy and fun. But that's all going to change soon.

I know a lot of my mom friends are maxed-out and frazzled. You feel like you can barely breathe, let alone try a new recipe, paint a room or sew throw pillows just for the fun of it. So if you read my blog and feel like you can't relate, or mistakenly think that I have it all together, I apologize. I don't.

Hopefully you don't feel that way, but I felt like saying that just in case. Not because I think anybody out there wishes they were me, but because I know that most women (myself included) tend to compare themselves, and that's especially true for us moms. There will always be someone thinner, funnier, more patient, more creative, more spiritual, etc. than us. But that would be a whole other blog topic.

We all go through times where we are just exhuasted by life.

Obviously a blog isn't a full account of life, just "a snapshot" of what's happening. I don't spend all day doing fun things.

BUT the fact of the matter is, I DO have a lot of free time right now. I have ONE child not two, three or four. And she sleeps 11 hours at night (although not uninterrupted!) and takes nice long naps. I am fortunate to not have to work outside the home. I also have a husband who currently works 7 days a week, often 12 or 14 hours a day in preparation for deployment. So I have a lot of time to myself--naptime and many hours in the evening to do whatever I want.

So I fill my days with playdates and activities to keep Skylar entertained, and I entertain myself by taking pictures of it all. (Ask anyone who knew me 5 years ago--I never had a camera or took a picture of anything. Don't feel bad if you don't take 100 pictures of your child every week).

Given the choice I would prefer to live in a house half this size and have a husband who comes home at 6 pm for dinner every night, or even to be 6 months pregnant and exhausted like I could be.

I recognize that our family is in the calm before the storm right now and that this is my downtime. (Although I am already feeling like a single parent. Skylar is lucky if she sees her daddy before she goes to bed at night). Because "the beast" is lurking on the horizon.

That's how I refer to deployment in my head-"the beast".

It's sort of the grown-up equivalent of being a little kid and having a monster in your room--an anxiety inducing, sleep robbing, monster. I know it's there waiting for me, and all I really want to do is hide under the covers. But that won't make it go away. I have to grab this beast by his horns and deal with it. The anticipation might be the worst part--knowing that something horrible and difficult is coming our way soon.

So I accept that my husband will come home from work at 9:30 pm on a sunday. Or that after working 17 hours yesterday, he still had to be in by 5 am today for a meeting. Deployments are really a year plus the 2 months leading up to them. There's no point in fighting it, because I can't change it.

I promise I'm not complaining. It's our turn for a deployment. We've been fortunate, and many of my military friends have been through far more than I have.

Just know that soon I'll be feeling maxed out and exhausted knowing that the daily grind of raising Skylar and taking care of everything at home will not relent for a year.

But for now, I'm enjoying knowing that my husband is only 30 minutes away instead of 3 days away, even if we rarely see him.

And that is the rest of the story:)